The Truth of Divorce

Emotionally than Men: Since ancient times, women have been described as being emotionally sensitive. Sociologists argue that this reason attributed to the subordination of women in ancient society. Women were supposed to be immature and ill-equipped to handle responsibilities. This feature was prominent in patriarchal societies.

The woman was touted as being weak cognitively, emotionally and physically. She was always supposed to be protected by the male. In the beginning, it was her father, then her husband and in later years her son. She could not live and shoulder duties herself. But this view is baseless. Modern sociologists shatter this myth. They argue that both the genders have equal proportions of emotionality.

Women are not the weaker gender in an emotional capacity. In fact, they are resilient. They have the emotional reserves to withstand betrayal and shock. Men are not as resilient as women. They also tend to suffer an emotional setback. They find it harder to accept that the spouse has left them.

Sociologists state that men have to nurture and build their emotional strength. Women are born with this emotional strength. Studies show that men and women suffer mentally and emotionally from divorce. Their behavioural methods of reaction may be different.

Men may become more withdrawn. They tend to become loners undergoing traumatic phases of depression. Women, in contrast, tend to reach out. Emotional battering makes them extrovert in nature. They tend to develop and widen their social circle. They draw their emotional strength from this support group.

Both genders are likely to fall prey to alcohol and substance abuse. A major difference is that women are able to accept their deep emotional scarring. They usually seek professional intervention. Men do not. Men live in denial. They pretend that the divorce has had no effect on them.

Family forces men into therapy usually. Marriage counsellors state that an average of 54% of women and men divorcers suffer from the same emotional setbacks. There is no concrete evidence to prove this myth true.

Ex-spouses are Always Hostile towards Each Other: Social psychologists argue that divorce cannot be pleasant. Usually, 89% of divorces are settled at an acrimonious level. The ex-spouses begin post-divorce life wrought with bitterness. They cannot stand each other. They tend to harm each other in a direct or indirect manner.

Sociologists insist that the type of divorce determines the level of hostility. Hostility does not exist in cases of uncontested divorces. Here, both spouses want the divorce and agree mutually to every marital issue. The divorce is uncontested and amicable.

On the other hand, contested divorces are bitter. The respondent is drawn into the divorce. Usually, contested divorces involve a bitter and hostile trial hearing. The Family Solicitors of London state that this happens as spouses disagree on the level of importance accorded to the marriage. But this acrimony is short-lived.

It usually lasts for a period of eight months to a year. It is situation and location-specific. The presence of children forces ex-spouses to maintain cordial relations with each other. But the image of ex-spouses flying at each other's throats does not hold up. Ex-spouses just cannot stand each other. They are not bosom buddies.

Usually, exes become calm and serene when their own life post-divorce settles down. They tend to become forgiving when they have a good job, a new comfortable residence and a secure future. They are altruistic and do not hate the ex. They simply do not acknowledge his or her existence if not forced to.

This does not mean that they are hostile towards one another. They do not accord any importance to their ex in their life. The ex-spouse is just another acquaintance who has no influence on them.

Men Tend to Remarry More than Women: This myth is untrue. It exists only in general perception. Studies reveal that 19% of both men and women divorcers tend to remarry. The duration after which they remarry differs. Men tend to jump back into the dating arena soon after divorce. A longitudinal study to this effect shows that men tend to engage in physical encounters frequently post-divorce. Men tend to marry women similar in nature to their ex-spouse. They unconsciously seek younger versions of exes.

They tend to remarry after six months of divorce. In comparison, women divorcers are cautious. They also remarry. They tend to go back to dating after a year. They end up marrying socially and financially mature men after two years of divorce. They are content to date and wait. They are not eager to get married again soon after the divorce.

by: James Walsh